I've Never Felt Anxiety Before Until Now...
It wasn’t until Boston reported that Coronavirus cases started popping up in the city that I began experiencing different feelings than I ever felt before.
I have clients or friends with anxiety and had a hard time understanding what they were going through. It wasn’t clear what it might be until realized I was scrolling my phone, one news article after another. As I did so, I felt increasing and sporadic levels of hopelessness, nervousness and the constant question in the back of my mind: “What is this all going to look like now?”
I have ADHD, so I’m used to racing thoughts constantly bubbling through my head. I’m used to being fixated on topics to the point of hyper-focusing too.
But these kind of racing thoughts and fixations were different. These were debilitating, unproductive in any capacity, and a little terrifying. My body felt like it was sprinting even though I was sitting in place.
I felt restless and exhausted at the same time when these struck. I knew these thoughts weren’t productive but I couldn't distract myself from them. My mind kept going back to the pandemic and what was going on with it now. “Can I do something about it now? Is the curve flattening? Why the fuck are people protesting?! Don’t they know there’s people dying in hospitals before nurses can check their pulse?”
I’ll admit, I’m still dealing with a lot of these thoughts and the physical manifestations these bring up too. But I’ve also noticed that I have a lot more skills with keeping me level and grounded about this right now.
A few of those things are:
giving myself the space to feel anxiety
after giving myself space, giving myself more “comfort” than I normally do, be it bundled up in fuzzy blankets, cuddling my boyfriend, or eating a massive Charleston Chew with lunch
I made myself slow down, which outside of cuddle sessions is sometimes really hard for me to do
Talked to my rockstar of a therapist about these feelings via telehealth and got feedback that I’m not the only one dealing with these things right now
Tapped into my support network (read: friends and loved ones) who helped me understand these feelings (shout-out to my wonderful boyfriend Noah)
I go into more detail and empathy in the video below. If it resonates with you or you know someone that will benefit from this, please share it with a friend.
For those with chronic or disordered anxiety… I think I understand anxiety a little more after experiencing this.
But holy sugar, you’ve been dealing with this the whole time? I’m so, so sorry you’ve been experiencing this. And please know: I care about every single one of you, and I want you to know that I’m here for you.